Curiosity killed the cat, so they say. Well in this case, curiosity killed my boner. It was awful. Sometimes, you see a toy and think “Ooh, that sounds like it could be interesting” and then once it’s really happening… oh boy..
To be fair, I should have known right off the bat, that the PDX Elite Vibrating Roto Sucker (to give it it’s full proper official name) was going to be a disaster. Pipedream aren’t exactly in the bloggers good books (and what’s really sad is they really couldn’t give a fuck). Which is why I am BEYOND THRILLED to tell you how gosh darn awful this product is. For the record, I requested this from MEO, and bless them, they have been extremely supportive, and I am truly sorry to have to write such a terrible review.
But I am also quite angry. I have a stack of masturbators to review. Out of all 5 that I have recently tried, ONLY ONE OF THEM has given me an orgasm. The good news is, the orgasm it gave me was so FREAKIN’ PHENOMENAL. But that will have to wait. First, we need to get through the disappointments; starting with the PDX Elite Vibrating Roto Sucker…
Sometimes it’s a good job there are 2 cocks in this house… 😂😶 pic.twitter.com/i9z7F3MJp0
— The Big Gay Review (@thebiggayreview) December 4, 2017
The PDX Elite Vibrating Roto Sucker was sent to us free of charge in exchange for an honest review by MEO.de
First Impressions
For Pipedream, the PDX Elite packaging is fairly innocuous. No alarming misogyny or casual racism here. For them, it’s quite simple and casual. I am a little bit shocked, to be honest. Inside the box, you get the Roto Sucker, 3 Silicone Cock Rings, some ‘Moist’ lube (you can throw this out) and some ‘Toy Cleaner’ (you can throw this out too).
So what does the Roto Sucker do? Well, it features an open silicone ‘mouth’, which quite frankly, looks like some sort of alarming space worm. Inside the worms mouth, there is a vibrating bullet, designed to focus on the sensitive underside of the penis. It also features a ‘vacuum’ which is supposed to create intense levels of suction. You can use the functions together or independently. You will need 2 x AAA batteries (not included). The head is made from silicone, which is a plus, although a rather small one. The head also is flexible and swivels, although I have as yet, discovered what function this actually serves.
In Use
It’s rare that a toy has frustrated me, to the point that I want to throw it against a brick wall. But this one did. It’s also extremely rare that a masturbator has be doubting my ‘girth’ and general size. But this one did. It’s just such a clusterfuck that once i’m done with this review, this will never see the light of day again. It is going to join the sex toy graveyard deep in the attic. So let’s kick things off with some plus points. They are easier to write.
Firstly, it’s incredibly light and easy to hold. The body is made from plastic with smooth, velvet-like finish (correct me if I am wrong, but I believe it to be PU-coated? is that what it is?). The head is made from silicone, meaning it is completely body safe and easy to clean. Unfortunately, that’s where the good stuff ends.
I was keen to try out the vibration function first, as my penis responds VERY well to vibratory stimulation. Not in this case. The bullet is small, and provides only a small amount of lacklustre vibration. It’s buzzy, shallow and doesn’t quite hit the right spot on it’s own. You need to squeeze the head, in order to allow maximum vibration contact. In order to get any sort of reaction to this sensation, I would have needed to stroke with the toy, but this isn’t really a ‘stroking’ toy. So right off the bat, I was already pissed off. Maybe the vacuum function would redeem it.
Sadly, in my case, not at all. Now, I’ve always believe that I have a fairly ‘average’ penis; 6 inches in length with a reasonable 5.5 inch circumference; you know, it’s enough for me. In the case of the Roto Sucker, no matter how hard I was, I wasn’t quite able to get a tight enough seal, in order to allow the suction to work properly. We got a sort of, tickle, but it never held for too long, and it was quite easy to break the seal. After a few moments of trying various things, I literally threw it down on the bed and shouted ‘ENOUGH!’.
Thankfully, we do have a second penis in the house, and my MR picked it up, ready to give it a try himself. He is slightly longer and a half inch thicker than I am, so I had hoped that he would get on a bit better with the vacuum setting. It seemed to form a better seal round him, so he said he could notice a small amount of suction, but it was very weak. He did not like the vibrations either. I have tried on several occasions to try and get this blasted thing to work for me, but it just didn’t. Hate isn’t a word I usually throw around, but I absolutely, hate this toy.
Clean-up and Maintenance
The Roto Sucker is not waterproof, so should not be fully submerged. For best results, i’ve found using a soft damp cloth has been the best way to clean this toy. There is a small hole in the handle of the toy, that is designed to remove excess liquid, so it doesn’t ruin the pump, so you may find that excess lube will make it’s way on the outside of the toy. It doesn’t come with a storage bag, but as it’s silicone and plastic, it can be stored with other toys without issue.
Summary
Oh, PDX Elite Vibrating Roto Sucker, How I loathe thee… let us count the ways:
- The vibrations are incredibly weak and seem almost incidental. The patterns are generic, and it starts out on it’s highest setting and then goes DOWN rather than up. I hate toys that do that.
- The vacuum seems to be only successful if you are quite round and have a circumference of around 6 inches plus. Any less than that, and you just cannot get a decent seal for the suction to work.
- The included lube and toy cleaner are absolute garbage. Please dispose of and use something better.
The cock rings are a nice little touch. They aren’t anything amazing, but they offer three sizes and they are also made from silicone. Deep down, I did really want to like this toy. And I honestly gave it my best… PDX Elite? Hmmmm… Maybe it’s time for another rebrand.
Where to Buy
This has now been discontinued by MEO. If you still wish to purchase; you can now get hold of it from SheVibe
I would like to thank MEO.de for sending us the PDX Elite Vibrating Roto Sucker free of charge in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect our experiences or opinions on this, or any other product we receive for review. Affiliate links have been used within this post.
