Advances in technology has done wonderful things. It’s allowed us to carry a phone, a cd player, a TV, a games console and so much more in our pocket. It’s allowed us to put people in space. There isn’t a single facet of our daily lives that isn’t touched by technology. And now, in 2018, we’re taking things to the next level.
I’m talking the next stage of the technological, sexual revolution. Yes. It’s happening. A few months back, I had read that Lovehoney were working on something… unique. I knew that when it was finally available, I had to have it. And then, one day when I am sat minding my own business, an email drops through, asking if I would like to review said item. Dropping my mug of tea and my pug (don’t worry, he’s fine), my fingers typed out a frantic, enthusiastic response.
Patiently I waited, and then a few days later, it was here. Tearing into the box (which was discreetly packaged as always 😉) I gasped as I took in all it’s majesty. Yes, the excitement was real. Introducing the Lovehoney UPRIZE Remote Control AutoErect Vibrating Dildo. We’ve entered a new age… where our dildos are bionic.
I would like to thank Lovehoney for sending us the UPRIZE Remote Control AutoErect Vibrating Dildo free of charge in exchange for an honest review.
First Impressions
Firstly, I want to apologise for taking so long with this review. In between various bouts of stress, ill health, work and goodness knows what else, this is something you need to take your time with. This is not a cheap product by any stretch of the imagination, so I wanted to make sure I covered as much as I could. So let’s get on with it.
The UPRIZE is the worlds first auto-erecting dildo. At the touch of a button, it goes from flaccid to hard and ready for fun. The UPRIZE also vibrates for additional sensation and it comes with a remote control for hands-free or partner play. The UPRIZE is also strap-on compatible, and there is a harness available separately (which Lovehoney also Kindly supplied us with). There are 2 models available, in 2 colours. There is the 6 inch and 8 inch model. In the 6 inch variety, you can have it a pale flesh-tone pink colour or a vibrant purple. In the 8 inch version, it’s either black or (white). The UPRIZE is made from body-safe silicone, and the dildo itself is waterproof (the remote isn’t). It boasts 10 different vibration modes.
The packaging is very nicely put together; it feels luxury but subtle; not relying on any explicit imagery or anything. Not that that’s a problem, but you know, packaging is always part of the experience, regardless of how small that part is. The UPRIZE is USB rechargeable and a full charge can give around about an hours playtime.
In Use
It has definitely been a struggle, I will hold my hand up and say. But I will get to that in a minute. When the UPRIZE first arrived, I probably spent it’s first full charge just watching it go up and down. You can activate the erection from a button on the base of the dildo, or via the handy remote control. It’s mesmerising watching it go up… and down. Up… and down. Up… and down. You get the idea. There’s something so extremely novel about it, but I am slightly amused by the sound it makes when it get’s hard. Lots of mechanical whirring and such. I almost wish that when it erected, it made that sound from the Six Million Dollar Man. You know the one I mean, right? (If not, click here). But the sound isn’t too off-putting. When in the heat of the moment, it barely registers.
But why would we need a ‘auto-erecting’ dildo anyway? We have dildos that are already erect.. why go the extra inch(es)? Well, I think a lot of that is going to depend on you. From a personal perspective, the function of it getting hard is actually of little consequence. But it can play into a scenario quite nicely. For example, on one of the nights we were playing around with it in the harness, I had my husband strap in and strap on, lay on the bed and as he lay there, I began slowly licking the UPRIZE as if it was his penis. With the remote control in my hand, I licked and sucked and when the moment felt right, I activated the UPRIZE, and that cock got stiff right before my eyes. It was actually pretty arousing.
For others, I had a few of my trans followers ask about this for the purposes of packing; for some, they will choose to use a ‘soft’ packer for creating that realistic bulge, but then need to switch that out for a firmer, regular dildo for intercourse. For some, this can create a sense of dysphoria, and there was a hope that this could be a fantastic product for that purpose. I will be honest and say from a ‘packing’ perspective, the UPRIZE is very bulky. It has an enormous base, and even when ‘soft’, it creates a significantly large package (which if that is your thing, then great!) but if you are looking for something… discreet, it’s not quite there. However, being able to pop this in a harness and then control the erection at the point you desire… now that’s interesting, and I think this could be a good idea.
So what does it feel like? Well, let me just say it took me a LONG time to get used to this. Now, I’m not a size queen – I generally tend to prefer my dildos on the small(ish) side. I also like my dildos with a healthy realistic squish. This is why silicone is always a favourite of mine when it comes to dildos. The UPRIZE is coated in silicone, but the inside is very firm, so when it gets erect, it is ROCK solid. For many, this is GREAT! For me, it made it slightly more uncomfortable when using it anally. The tip of the UPRIZE has a circumference of 5.75 inches. This isn’t a lot, really. But when the tip has NO give, because it’s incredibly solid, it feels a lot bigger, and I have to hold my hand up and say for a while, I struggled.
It took a LOT of patience, practise and at least a whole bottle of lube to get to the point where I was finally able to get it inside. The rest of the shaft is around 5 inches in circumference, so it’s a bit more manageable, but still noticeable! When erect, the shaft contains this ripples in the silicone, these are supposed to offer extra layers of sensation, as you pass over each ripple. These are again, very obvious and if you are someone who enjoys a lot of texture in their dildos, you will like this. The tip of the dildo contains the bulk of the vibrations, and this nuzzles into my prostate. But the texture and firmness means this isn’t a dildo I can just merrily thrust away with. For me, this needs slow, gentle strokes and a BUCKET of lube.
The suction cup on the base means you can use this wherever you would normally use a suction cup, although I will say, it’s not the best. I’m not sure if it’s because the base doesn’t have much of a ‘concave’, so it’s not creating enough suction OR the UPRIZE is simply to heavy to be held up. There were a few moments when the dildo would just lose suction and either fall off the wall or would come away during use. I found it was much easier if I stuck it to a floor.
The UPRIZE harness is comfortable (to some extent). It expands to fit waist sizes of up to 63 inches, and all straps are adjustable. The harness is supposed to be comfortable for everyone to wear, but the MR did say that it did press down on his jink awkwardly; it just doesn’t really allow for a second set of jewels. I would love to see a harness in the future that works a little bit like the SpareParts DEUCE harness (sadly, this dildo just doesn’t work with that). However, in this harness, the dildo fits fine (you use the suction cup through the O-Ring to hold it in place) and he said it didn’t feel to heavy or unnatural and it didn’t tug at the harness or make it feel like it was pulling it down. However, because of the size issue I have with the UPRIZE, this isn’t something we will likely be using again, in this way.
Let’s not forget the vibrations. The UPRIZE boasts 10 modes of vibrations; ranging from 3 constant speeds, and then 7 patterns. These can all be controlled from the base of the UPRIZE. Unless I am doing something wrong, and I have yet to figure it out; from the remote control, I can only operate the three constant speeds of vibration, and the auto erect feature. I cannot seem to access the other functions through the remote? I’ve followed all the instructions but it just doesn’t seem to want to allow me to scroll through all vibration functions via remote. To be fair though, I do only enjoy the constant vibrations anyway, and at the top speed, the vibrations are decent enough, especially when combined with the intense sensation created by the shaft of the UPRIZE. I think any stronger and we would be in overkill territory.
Clean-up and Maintenance
The UPRIZE is completely waterproof, so this can be easily rinsed with warm water and if you wish, a spritz of toy cleaner or anti-bacterial soap. Once clean and dry, you can pop this way in the box, ready for the next time. The remote control isn’t waterproof, so a little wipe over with a barely damp cloth should be enough.
Summary
Wowee… that went on a lot longer than I thought it would. So let me try and summarise how I feel about this. Do I love it? I mean, I like it a LOT. The technology behind it is interesting, it’s a unique product and I think there are going to be a lot of people out there who will really love this. For me, there are just a couple of things I would love to see ironed out for the UPRIZE 2 … it needs to be softer. This was very hard on my butthole, and because of this, it’s not something I am going to be reaching for a lot; even with a warm up, this is still (annoyingly) a challenge for me… but this could be psychological. I don’t know. All I know is, when I use a similarly sized softer dildo, I don’t have this problem…
The AutoErecting feature is a lot of fun, and I can see this being a fantastic little addition to the bedroom, for those who are wanting the ultimate realism experience. The suction cup needs some improvement; I’m just not finding it adhering as well to all of the places I normally stick my suction cup toys. It is expensive, they retail for £129.99. That’s kind of what I expect a ‘luxury’ toy to come out at, and when I think about all of the features and technology behind it, yeah, I would say it’s worth it. For another perspective (from the 8 inch version) check out the full review from Cara Sutra.
Where to buy
Sadly, this item has now been discontinued! (Edited 30th March 2021)
I would like to thank Lovehoney for sending us the UPRIZE Remote Control AutoErect Vibrating Dildo free of charge in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinions of this or any other product we receive for review. Affiliate links have been used in this post.
